Think Differently Blog

Who are you?

Tuesday, 20 July 2010 16:10 | Written by Vernon Roberts |

The other evening I happened upon a shameless summer replacement show on television called ‘True Beauty”. While the show has many flaws, the gist is that contestants, while in pursuit of a prize, are knowingly and unknowingly recorded in real and “set-up” activities. As part of the judging process for determining if the contestants are “True Beauty” inside and out, the contestants are replayed hidden camera recordings of their interactions with others. While some of their recorded activities show them to be caring and charitable, other footage is truly embarrassing. Contestants saw how they responded to compromising and delicate situations. The interesting thing is that they all had flaws. Good to know right! Sometimes our behaviors betray us. We think we are one type of person but our behaviors portray us as a different person.

The most important thing to remember is that you get to decide, through your behaviors, who you really are. Think about ALL your interactions with others. Could your life hold up to the scrutiny of the hidden camera? All we can do is be really observant of our own behavior. Be your own hidden camera. Make you own choices.The hope is that over time your choices will get better.

Last Updated (Tuesday, 20 July 2010 16:10)

Through Their Eyes

Friday, 26 February 2010 19:52 | Written by Vernon Roberts |

Preparation plays a major role in creating success. The downfall of many is that they fail to prepare and ask the proper questions that create a dialogue with the prospect. The more the prospect talks, the more you learn (unless your questions are weak). The more you learn, the better solution you’ll create based on their needs, both implicit and explicit.

Without proper preparation, you may find yourself dominating the conversation with talk of your product and company. BECAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU KNOW! After this sales diatribe, what have you learned about the prospect– nothing (or maybe that they are really good listeners).

Always look at your service or product through the eyes of the client, not yours. You can only accomplish this if you have done your homework on the market, learned from their answers to your insightful questions, or have been in their shoes. Are they Online Optimizers, Savvy Skeptics or Wary Traditionalists? What can you do for them that will help them feel comfortable? People buy for their own reasons, not yours.

Here are some tips to help you create the total package for your client:

Prepare Questions: Create questions that will help you learn their needs and show that you are knowledgeable.
Bring Ideas: Based on what you have discovered, create a point of view about what your client might need. In an open manner, ask if you can “run some thoughts by them based on what you’ve learned about their situation”.
Be Knowledgeable: Know more than what's on the rate sheet. Be fluent in the language of loans.

Multi-tasking Hazardous?

Friday, 26 February 2010 19:31 | Written by Vernon Roberts |

Ok, not really, but multi-tasking can hurt your ability to focus. Since when did the ability to “multi-task” become the thing to do, an ability to be cherished? I bet you flex this multi-tasking muscle every day, especially on a conference call. You press mute and tap away at the computer to handle a myriad of other activities (or some of you don’t press mute...hmmm). Although we think that we can multi-task, our brain can handle only one thought at a time. Everything else gets shoved to the side. Sometimes this leaks into our ability to communicate. How many of us multi-task when we are in a face to face conversation? How many are thinking about an opportunity lost yesterday or the big meeting tomorrow?

How did we get to this place? Well we’ve had lots or practice. Twenty-five years ago you only had to open the U.S. Mail, your interoffice mail, or answer your telephone (yes, the large plastic desk ornament with the cord that tied you to your desk). These were the pre-voicemail days of written phone messages, carbon paper and IBM Selectric typewriters. Wow, we had three communication methods to juggle and we thought we were busy. Today let’s add fax, pagers, e-mail, instant messaging, cell phone, voice mail, computer applications and smart phones. No wonder we have a hard time focusing on anything. Some of us have a need to be connected 24-7. In order to stay in touch we attempt to juggle everything! I say STOP THE MADNESS!

A focus on everything means focusing on nothing. When we attempt to juggle everything, our focus is on holding it all together and not on each individual task. We think we are handling it but we are not truly focused on it. We become so externally focused that we can’t focus on the voice inside of us that tells us the truth … about everything in our lives. You know the voice I’m talking about. The voice that just said to you “what voice is he talking about”? The crazy part is that all of this effort to stay connected reduces the connection that we have with ourselves.

When we are connecting with another human being, it’s important that we give them our undivided attention and focus. We should be engaged in listening to what they are saying and asking questions to better understand. We shouldn’t be thinking of our to-do list or answering our electronic devices. Focus is the key to bringing out your best performance.

Performance Converstions - Magic in Minutes

Friday, 26 February 2010 19:10 | Written by Vernon Roberts |

Why is the performance conversation the source of dread for many managers and employees? The answer is – not enough. Not enough specifics around expectations, not enough detailed feedback and not enough informal check-ins to support the achievement of the goal.

How many of us have had the single annual performance conversation where you discuss what happened last year and what should happen next year - and then don’t talk about it again for another year? How would the plant on your desk grow it you watered it once a year? It would die.

Like the plant, an employee’s performance can suffer without regular care and feeding (or feedback). When your plant wilts (that’s called feedback from the plant), you move it closer to the window to get more sun (that’s called feedback from you). Performance improvement is organic. It should occur naturally and gradually with give and take from both parties. While many performance management processes state that you should have quarterly conversations, I consider that metric should only apply to “formal” conversations. What makes magic happen is the numerous informal “what’s happening with your project…” conversations. These conversations can happen in the elevator, hallway, or by the water cooler. The beauty of these informal conversations is that they take only 3 to 5 minutes … and they might be more effective than the “formal” conversation.

Here are five tips for the informal conversation:

1. Ask open questions that will engender more than a “yes/no” or “great/not bad” answer. You want them to tell you what’s going on. Use questions that start with “Tell me about…”, “What do you think…”, or “How can…”.

2. Treat this conversation as a temperature check. Use the informal conversation to set up a more informal meeting if necessary.

3. Always link back to their achievement of the specific and measurable goals that you have set and they have accepted.

4. Have them do most of the talking. I want you to ask questions and listen to the answer. Your first job is to help them problem solve for themselves. Ask questions that will help them discover the answer.

5. Be sincere. Don’t grill the person in the elevator. Like the saying goes “they don’t care how much you know, unless they know how much you care”.

Last Updated (Friday, 26 February 2010 19:12)

The Eyes Have It

Friday, 26 February 2010 18:58 | Written by Vernon Roberts |

You are walking down the street and twenty paces away you see someone that you clearly don’t want to speak with. What do you do? Well you could cross the street or duck into a store but no time for that. What many of us do is simply avert our eyes. Why? Because once our eyes meet theirs, we’re committed.

Our eyes play a large role in how we communicate with others both one-on-one and in small and large groups. While we don’t listen with our eyes, using our eyes to focus on the person that is speaking enables us to listen closely to what is being said. In our world that offers constant distractions, we need our eyes to help us communicate with others. Our eyes send a message. Have you ever been in a one-on-one conversation where the other person focuses on something that is over your shoulder? Do you remember how that felt? We never want our eyes to send that type of message. We want to send the message that we are listening to them as if they were the last person on the planet.

When speaking to a group eye contact is just as critical. Have you ever seen someone talk to the floor during a presentation or training session? What kind of impression does that leave with you? Not a powerful one I would guess. As a presenter, you should look directly into the eyes of your listeners while you speak. In small groups, you can look at every person. In larger groups, you can look to different pockets of the room. Never speak down or to your notes.

How long should you maintain eye contact? The rule of thumb is 2-3 seconds, long enough to make a connection. Any longer than that and they may request a restraining order! The key is to use soft eyes (caring) rather than hard eyes (glaring).

In the United States, direct eye contact is preferred. It means that you are being forthright and honest! Holding a gaze for 3 or so seconds prevents shifty eyes which are seen as untrustworthy. In other cultures, eye contact is interpreted in different ways. Please refer to specific cultural norms as your guide.

Permission is granted to reproduce this article in whole or in part provided the following byline appears along with the article and that a copy is sent to me after publication. Thank you

Vernon Roberts is a leadership facilitator, coach, and performance consultant. Vernon works with individuals, teams and organizations to increase effectiveness, enhance communication, focus on goal execution, and build leadership capacity. He is also the founder of Evoke Learning, Inc. and a member of Duke Corporate Education's Global Learning Resource Network.

Last Updated (Friday, 26 February 2010 19:13)

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